Hey Jules, Hey Sweetheart
by Extraordinarily Extraordinary
Summary: Jules' perspective as she examines the past months with Sam and the difficulty that lies ahead. Takes place season 2, Episode 8: Aisle 13. Rated for a little bit of language. Sam&Jules.


**A/N: This is for everyone who requested more Sam&Jules! I own nothing! The line 'Hey Jules, hey sweetheart' is from the episode Between Heartbeats when Sam goes to see her in the hospital after being shot.**

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><p>I worked my ass off to get where I was a few months ago. I worked, trained and I never stopped until I was the only one fit for the job. Sure, I beat out about two hundred men for the job, but only because I deserved it. I'm one of the best and I'm not just saying that to be cocky.<p>

Like I said, I worked my ass off. But it all started to go downhill about a year ago. See, it was a year ago that Sam arrived and I just sort of snapped. He was smart, good-looking, brave. I fell for him. Of course, I didn't let anyone know, I didn't even let him know. I barely admitted it to myself. It was against the rules, it was dangerous and it was unlikely to happen anyway. I told myself that I just had to get over the initial attraction and I'd be okay.

And I did, I guess. I got over it enough that I didn't think about him, I could focus and concentrate on my job which was the most important thing to me. I was getting over it. It had only been a little crush, a little attraction.

I was almost completely over it when I was assigned to guard the wife. I did it all right, I checked ID, I checked on her and then I went to look at the explosion. When I came out, she was gone. I had lost her.

I blamed myself for that day, I still do. Everyone knew I blamed myself and they all told me I did my job right and it all worked out in the end. But that was all they did. Sam was the only one who chased me out, telling me, even as I shrugged him off, that it wasn't my fault. He even offered to drive me home. Here I was, almost completely over him, when he kissed me. And god, was it the best kiss I'd ever had.

The next weeks were blissful. We kept it a secret and that was exciting. I was finally happy. I was able to focus at work and not have to worry about this secret crush anymore. It was real. We were together.

It was almost perfect. It was too good to be true. Which, I guess, explains why what happened next didn't surprise me much. Sure, it hurt like hell, but I was kind of expecting something to happen. My life has never been that wonderful, it was bound to happen eventually and ruin everything. I got shot.

I know I was out of it in the hospital and I wasn't awake the first time he visited but I know what he said. I could hear the words even though I couldn't see him.

"Hey Jules, hey sweetheart," the words the made my heart leap every time I heard them.

Those were the words that kept repeating in my head, the words that made me get up and get training. That and the fact that he was constantly visiting me, bringing me that plant.

"Hey Jules, hey sweetheart."

That is what kept me going. It's also what is going to break my heart tonight. I mean, I know what I have to do. I'm ready to go back to work. I'm ready to return to the team but I can't unless it's over between us. Serge knows and I can only assume others on the team have figured it out as well. They aren't stupid and we weren't very good at the whole hiding part. I mean, we really can't continue. It's just too hard to lie to the team and to risk everything. It's against the rules for a reason.

This morning when I told him we had to talk, I could feel my heart die a little and the look on his face made it that much harder. I know it'll be hard. I'm prepared for this but I'm still afraid I'll break.

I grab my jacket and head to Tim's where we'd said to meet at. It's almost time. Chance are, he'll be late but I don't mind waiting. I've done enough waiting the past few months that a little more seems trivial.

I walk in and am surprised to see him already sitting at the table, two cups of coffee resting on it. He ordered for me.

"Hey," I say as I take the seat across from him. I sip my coffee. Perfect. He knows exactly what I like.

He nods in acknowledgement and says, "Jules."

"Look," I say, getting straight to the point. "I think we both know what's about to happen so let's just get it out, okay? We can't do this."

"Serge knows?" Sam asks and I nod. "We could just - "

"Sam," I say. "I'm ready to come back. The only way to do that though is to end this. Or we could split from Team One."

"I don't want to do that," he says. "But I don't want to lose you."

"Do you think that I wouldn't want that? Do you think I wouldn't want to stay with you and still be on Team One with you?"

"No," Sam shakes his head. "Of course not. That'd be brilliant but I don't think it'll happen."

"No," I say. "So this has to end. Look, I love you Sam but I just -"

"Jules," he says. "That's the first time you told me you loved me. I just didn't think it would be like this."

"I'm sorry Sam," I say slowly and I get up, leaving before I can regret it.

I hadn't meant to say I loved him. I mean, I do, of course I do, but I hadn't meant to tell him. That just made it harder.

Maybe one day we can be together again. One day, if we're both still single and one of us leaves the team, we can be together. Until then though, we'll just have to settle for being teammates and friends. That's it. Purely professional, as Serge told me earlier.

_"Hey Jules, hey sweetheart."_

It's going to torment me for the rest of my life, those four words are. I can't get them out of my head, no matter how hard I try.

I enter my house to see the final stages of renovation. I'm behind schedule, obviously, considering I was out of commission for months. I put my keys on the table and glance at the clock. It's only ten. I still have a bit of time to work.

I grab my equipment and paint and work before finally feeling like I can't anymore. Giving up for the night, I head up to my room. Sitting on my bed, I finally break. I've been waiting all night for this to happen. I knew it would. I break down and actually let the tears fall.

I look up only once to see that plant he gave me, still sitting beside my bed. A part of me is saying I should just throw it out, get rid of the reminder. I get up with the full intention of getting rid of it but I can't bring myself to do it.

I set it down on the bedside table once more, leaving it there to live on. I fall asleep thinking about the night and how I wish I didn't have to do it.

"Hey Jules, hey sweetheart," is the last thing I think before finally drifting off into sleepy unconsciousness.

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><p><strong>AN: Not my favourite piece that I've written but I don't think it's bad. Please review and tell me what you think!**


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